I just broke up with my latest boy friend. I swear I am cursed, that's three in a year. This inhales matter at maximum velocity. :'( Time to move on again. I wonder how the weather is in Maine? more later.

The Titanic. It holds a close second behind Repo!

I can't move anymore.
My body and mind,
Both exhausted of the lies.

I could lay here and cry,
I could take their shit all day,
Walking by,
A little monster, a little skank they say.

Fucked over,
Too many times before,
Always a friend, paid by a lover,
I can't take anymore.

I break easily
Beneath the grip of another pair of broken hands,
I can't live freely
When I strive so hard to meet your demands.

What life is this, but no life?

The poison pumps eagerly
Through my hungry veins,
I stand in the corner for the moment, needingly,
Absorbing the pain.

The sensations tingle throughout me,
My heart beats along faster,
My blood flowing rapidly,
The alcohol plays master.

I am the dancer
As I twist and spin among the years of adolescence.
Pulled along by the master.
My life plays out to the past tense.

I can't control it,
I will wake up the next morning
To loathe it.
Remembering all of my mind's whipered warnings.

This life is killing me,
One drink at a time,
It's a good thing I haven't spent much time in a car n the streets,
Or others may have died right by my side. 

There is more than one key
Leading you to me.
But when the key doesn't fit in the lock
Does that make me wrong?

I don't believe it does.
It makes you wrong.
Perhaps the problem is not what the key does,
But what the key won't unlock.

Have you considered matter and substance,
Or depth and defiance?
Have you considered personality,
Or morality.

Have you considered me?
Or was I just there for your friends to see?
Did you think there was more to the girl,
Or less to the woman?

You can swallow that key
And you can swallow your pride,
Because the key to this house is the heart in me
So I'll just leave you in the rain while I stand inside.

I only see distance,
Not limits.
I only feel resistance,
Not forced against the minutes.

Time drifts in and out of me,
Chaos ensues among emotions,
And a war is raging upon the Glass Sea.
My vision and mind are distortions.

I am lost to time,
A victim of the hours.
It all seeps away within my rhyme,
As I fall once again at the throne of time's power.

my brother told me I look like a young Bridget Fonda. Odd. Isn't it? My mom used to say that I had classic beauty like the actresses and models of the 1930s-50s. She I looked like I belong in a black and white movie, she used to call me her raven haired Marilyn Monroe. Both my mom and btopther always said I couldn't be tainted in beauty that something wonderful in me would always shine from beneath my black curls. I miss my mom at times like this... :'(

I've woken up on so many lost moments,
Joined conversations on one line,
Remembered all those perfect laments,
Trying to remember when I last showed up on time.

^_^
  

As any of you may know, I have just worked out a poem with Ms. Thomas at her blog levi_averi , you can all check that out there.

I have plenty of news for you all. Seeing as I have never posted anything like this before I will give you the brief history of me:

I spend a lot of time sitting around nowadays because I have given up any and all partying. Now I only write about the drugs that ruined the lives of my friends through their expierneces (just to clarify I HAVE NOT EVER DONE DRUGS BEFORE! Z was right about my brother and friend but I personally have not taken drugs before. Some misunderstadings frequently occur when that subject is mentioned) 

My birthday is April 9. I am 16. I love learning new languages, I like to travel, a fun thing for me is learning about new culture. I love chinese food, and and noodle type foods. I love mexican food as well. I love writing poetry and I am a loner. I love my older brother to death and now everything has cleared and we always hang out. I love western movies, chick flicks, horror movies, and musicals. 

My fave actor: Jonathan Rhys Myers, Terrance Something or other (the one from repo who plays graverobber)
Actress: Dakota Fanning, Kristen Stewart, Sarah Brightman
Favorite Singer: Teddy Geiger
Favorite Band: Snow Patrol/ Anything Dance
Favorite Song: "Swing Life Away" Rise Against
Fave TV Show: Touched By An Angel// Moonlight//True Blood//Big Love 
Fave Movie: Repo! The Genetic Opera 
Fave Book: The Vampire Lestat- Anne Rice
Fave Food: Noodles
Best Bargain: Books
Favorite Piece of clothing: Anything I can take from my brothers closet. (He has comfy clothes)
Thing I can't Live Without: IPOD
Favorite Animal: Miniature Pigs
Favorite Thing To Do In My Spare Time: Paint
Most Inspired By: My brother. Best older brother ever. He gave up on his bad life and recreated himself because of how it was affecting me. I used to get sick from worrying and not sleeping just waiting for him to come home at three am high. He is so supportive and loving. After I was hit by my last boyfriend my brother took really good care of me.  

A clay casket,
A bullet through the head.
You already know that you are better off dead.

Why waste your time living,
When others don't seem to care.
Give them all a place,
Give them what is fair.

Lie down in that casket tonight,
Thinking of what better you could be,
Don't let anyone tell you to fight,
Just lie here and listen to me.